i want more

i want more of you God.
i can't go another day without you.
i wanna let everything go! i wanna finally forgive my mother.
it's been too long. i need you.
i need a fathers arms around me. you're holy.
take me away.

take the next step.

everytime i talk to my mom i still have that pain.

i know shes doing better.

but i still hold on to the anger.

i need to stop.

i love my mom.but whenever she calls

im always so short. it hurts me to see the way

im talking to my own mom.

i need to move on and forgive already.

its been 4 years or 5 years since the abuse.

god i need your help and only your help.

the only way i can continue trying to live out my purpose

in life is if i forgive her. im going to start calling her and

asking how her day is and be interested in her life not

just okay hurry and leave.

shes my mom.

she deserves more then her own daughter being rude.

tomorrow im going to call her. tomorrow is the start of the new me!

when i become a mom. well my goal is to become the best mom. the mom i wished for growing up.

i am going to take my kids to the zoo.

have them involved in sports.

whatever their little hearts desire.

i will never lay a single hand on my kids..

that abusive curse will not be in my family.

and i ant my kids involved in their church as much as they want.

im not going to speak death over their life.

but im going to speak life over them.

i will not tease them about the weight or

anything.

i will be as supportive as i possibly can.

love them no matter the what they did..

keep going.

lately i have felt so discouraged.

ive felt worthless.

i thought. im too young.

thats too big to accomplish.

but its all worth it at the end. i need to succeed.

i need to keep going.

i am not too young.

i am not worthless

i can accomplish what i think is impossible.

impossible is not apart of Gods' vocabulary. so it shouldnt be apart of mine.

the journey is like climbing a mountain. every couple of miles

you ask. "hello when are we getting to the top?"

"or i cant do this anymore.. "

no one ever said it's going to be short or long. or easy or hard.
but when you get higher and higher the scene becomes more beautiful.

imagine when you reach the very top. so keep going and keep going

sort of like when i climbed half dome. it felt endless.

i kept saying a cant do this. at somepoints i loved it. when you didnt have to climb.

but ohh its worth it. everytime i look at my situation i think of as half dome.

look at the view. annie just keep going. stay strong.

you can do this. dont give up. you have gone so far.

but oohh its worth it.

at that point you are glad you kept going..

it shouldnt hurt to be a child. lately i have had this passion to reach girls and boys about physical child abuse. although it hurts to sometimes talk about it. i have to. i feel a tugging on my heart from god to reach those kids. they need someone to talk to. someone to understand their pain. i wanna be that person they talk to. i feel so strong about this subject because i was abused as a child.
physically, verbally, and emotionally, and mentally. ive been praying about it alot lately. for god to give me the words, the understanding, and the patience. this picture i found really hit home to me. i use to do the same. to try to hide. curl up in a ball so my mom wont hit me in the stomach or back, the places were it hurts the most. and i would curl up like that when i would hear my mom and dad argueing and my dad abusing my mom. it hurt as a child. but i have learned to move on and forgive them..
all ican say is my God is an Awesome God!

this is who i am.

Her mom a drug addict, her dad an alcoholic. Her and her siblings moved often, never having stable friends. They were always the “new kid.” Her parents always fought. The little girl often blamed god for everything that was going on. In the in the 3^rd grade something in her family just shifted, but not for the good. All in the same year she gave her heart to god, got hit by a car, and her parents split. She hated her dad. As a small girl she saw her dad beat her mom. Those images stick to her till to this day. The young girl’s family moved in with her grandpa. Her mom got her self into drugs and alcohol, and with a guy. The drugs made her more deprest. That caused her mother to take her anger and all her frustration and hurt out on the little girl and her sister. Burses covered the girls’ arms and legs. In the 5^th grade the girl had suicidal thoughts; the bad thing is that her mom encouraged her. Her mom left. Her and her sister and brother moved in with there aunt and uncle. Her mom, in and out of jail. The amazing thing is that her mom is now cleaned, her dad no longer drinking but he does live in another state. Her and her siblings are serving god, and are youth leaders. It’s crazy how things turn out for the best.

And the young girl, who never thought she could escape the haunting memories of her past, has set her eyes on the present and has started looking forward towards her future.

She has overcome the hurt that was inflicted on her as a child.
She has given forgiven where forgiveness was not deserved but was due.
She has conquered those past reoccurring thoughts of anger and bitterness by making them obedient to God’s word.
She has picked up her armor and has begun fighting for her mother and father’s spiritual revival and comeback.
She plants seeds of wisdom, self control, love, and peace wherever she goes.
She is a Leader at her church and on her campus.

Her testimony encourages young girls everywhere to stay rooted and keep moving. She no longer is held or bound by fear but is victorious in all she does because she claims the lord as her strength and rock.

…………In a world where all odds were against her
….she came out alive.

the crazy thing is that little girl is me.